“I used to think I was a good cook,” said Ms. Edwards, an editor at the parenting magazine Cookie. “But my husband’s a kitchen bully. He’s so critical, I second-guess myself now.”
If there were a clinical diagnosis for her problem, it might be called beta cook disorder. Even though Ms. Edwards blithely prepared flank steak for dinner parties when she was in college, she is now married to someone who takes charge in the kitchen: an alpha cook.
“I have no problem admitting that I’m an alpha,” said her husband, Matthew Hranek, a photographer. “Yolanda wouldn’t know a corked bottle of wine if you put it in front of her. When we met, she had four days’ worth of dishes in her sink, most of which had what looked like black bean on them. Ever since then, I’ve cooked for her.”
True, life with an alpha cook can mean sitting back and watching while someone else prepares restaurant-quality wild mushroom risotto on a quiet Tuesday night.
But it can also mean putting up with small culinary humiliations and an unending patter of condescending remarks.
When Robin Henry, an interior designer, helps make dinner with her fiancé, Andrew Goldman, a writer, she endures his constant, conspicuous scrutiny.
“I’ll be standing there, sautéing onions, and I can feel him standing over my shoulder, staring down at the pot and gnashing his teeth,” Ms. Henry said. “He’ll say things like, ‘You should really turn that down now.’ ”
Ms. Henry relayed this — along with her feeling that she is expected to greet any meal he might make on an average weeknight with the equivalent of a marching band reception — with affection.
“It’s part of his charm,” she said. Like many betas, she seems to have made peace with her lower status. The only time bitterness crept into her voice was when she talked about the tasks her fiancé assigns her when she plays sous-chef.
“He’s like, ‘Great, yes, come cook with me.’ And then he gives me the take-the-chicken-out-of-the-package-and-rinse-it job,” she said.
Listen up, fellows. It’s not difficult. Beta cook, alpha bathroom cleaner. Got it?
6 comments:
One has the same problem if one is the alpha coder in the household.
This is why God in His wisdom invented the propane grill, and the deep-fat turkey fryer. That said, these bobos wanted their menfolk to help around the house, and, well, be careful what you wish for.
The humourous approach saved the situation in our house. My husband had to take over all the chores for a year and got tired of my pained expression when his efforts were not up to my expectations. Then one day he said, 'I'm doing this MY right way. You can get back to doing it YOUR right way when you are better.'
Talk about not knowing when they have a good thing going. These women have a gourmet cook on the premises who doesn't want any help in the kitchen and they're complaining?????
Girls, leave the room and wait for the dinner bell to ring or if you want to be sociable, sit at the counter and look beautiful while pouring on the compliments.
Beta cook, alpha bathroom cleaner. Got it?
That is precisely the recipe for my marital bliss.
I'm a bachelor now and I'm still beta-everything.
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